the worst part about going home is having to throw away most of the stuff I can’t fit into my luggage.

marceddy:

imagine being asked to be in this product’s photo shoot and excitedly bragging to your friends and family you are are going to be on a box just to find out they made you look like this

blein:

sO my friend’s dog died and she lives in new york city and so she had to take it to the vet by the subway and she put the dead dog in the suitcase on the subway and it was a pretty big dog and some dude saw that she was struggling with the suitcase so he asked if she needed help with it and he said do you mind me asking what’s in it and she didnt want to say a dead dog so shE SAID IT WAS A BUNCH OF LAPTOPS SO HE TOOK THE SUITCASE AND RAN AND I JUST 

aghhhhhhh three out of the four popsicles i had left were stolen tonight. what the fuck people

vvierd:

true embarrassment lies within your first email address

the cool part about wearing a suit is how easy it is to choke yourself

Wearing a suit is nice but it also gives me a small sense of responsibility and makes me a little stressed, as it reminds me of speech class.

why is everyone saying what their middle name is? did i miss something

thecompanionsdoctor:

I WAS IN MY SHOWER WHILE SPOTIFY WAS PLAYING AND AFTER LIKE 15 SECONDS OF SILENCE I HEAR THE AD GUY SCREAMING “HELLO THERE SPOTIFY LISTENER” AND I THOUGHT IT WAS SOMEONE IN MY BATHROOM AND I NEARLY FELL OVER

deucebag:

theresavoidinmypolaroid:

If it actually started raining men I think I’d just start crying and be really terrified and not leave my house and just curl up into a ball and pretend I couldn’t hear the slamming of bodies falling upon my roof under no circumstances would I think “hallelujah” 

it’s a cold and it’s a broken hallelujah

thatpsychowriter:

For all of you who are worried that there might be secret mind readers in the room just try MENTALLY SCREAMING and if anyone jumps or flinches, you know

but what if they knew you were going to do it so they’re not surprised

seafrost94:

Hodor?

I want to play OFF but I can’t get it to work on my laptop, I can see the start screen but nothing happens when i press any button and I’ve tried downloading the programs it suggests and different versions but no luck.

yesterday (or maybe the day before) I was helping my friend pack his car to go home and there were instructions for his microwave and I actually learned something from them.